originally posted on tumblr, Apr 3rd 2026 

Movie-A-Day-Thon #39: Atomic Blonde (2017)

See? I listened to myself, I'm such a good bird. Haven't done a good gun-fu movie in a hot second, now's the perfect time! And I love me some Charlize Theron, let's fucking go!

The janky ass car toss was... quite a way to start. I forgive it though cus then gave me full-on mommy shoulder muscles. Fuck yeah. Not sure if the platinum blonde works for her though, or just how annoyed I should be at the extremely winter blue color grading they got going on. Also god McAvoy's german is atrociouuuuuus, but his character is so fun. I love when he gets to play a motherfucker. "Don't shoot, I got your shoe?" What a loser I love him.

There's something really amusing to watch period movies set in recent times, cus I can (and have) watched movies from that period, and the crash in quality for costumes and props is. Genuinely. Concerning. I know it's not meant to be hyperrealistic or anything, it's all mostly vibes, but I can even see the fabric quality going to hell. And the costuming feels more like a pinterest board than anything real. Makes it a bit hard to take any of the tension seriously, or genuinely.

Also Bremovytch's introduction was so, whatever? Oh no, big bad guy has a temper and doesn't know how to do a basic interrogation, how threatening. No presence, no eloquence, no impact. Just a guy.

OHHH WILHELM SCREAM JUMPSCARE!

This is a longass film, and the few spurts of action and lesbianism sure don't do much to keep my attention, I had to take two different breaks to get through this one.

I said in Monkey Man that I love messy combat, and I love when protagonists fumble, and I get both of that in Atomic Blonde, BUT! I don't feel like any of the combat has any real weight. The punches don't land as satisfyingly, and the camera keeps doing the can-can dance and following the action just makes me feel annoyed. Also why is everything so fucking blue-grey!!!! It only makes the CGI look bad!!! That blood spatter is far too saturated and it stands out too much!!!!

At least Lorraine gets nice and messy and bloody, and she's not in fucking heels. She got put through the ringer and it fully shows, even afterwards in the framing device report scenes. And I do appreciate the commitment with the car chase long shot, it was corny but cool.

Percival giving a damn speech to the audience was so damn stupid I'm almost charmed. Almost. If we had gotten more monologues and fourth wall breaks, I think I'd have liked this movie more. Also if she was Satchel, and Percival was Satchel, then who was phone?